I'm a hypocrite and I know it.

In my last post, I talked about embracing the lulls and being patient with your process, as hard as that can be sometimes. Three weeks later, everything I said is out the window and I'm over here panicking.

One minute, you feel empowered and free, and the next, you're miserable and anxious. For me, I went on that California road trip and didn't have a care in the world...besides money. I spent what I could and spared what I couldn't. Granted, we got free round-trip airfare and stuck with AirBnB instead of hotels (thee way to go if you don't already know, beeteedubs), so we saved mad money and still balled out. We were able to make the absolute most of our two-week trip in what's probably the most expensive state in the US and we made out like bandits. It was a badass trip and I don't regret a minute of it or a dollar spent, although you couldn't pay me to step foot in LA again. Apologies if I offend.

But as awesome as traveling is, it sucks. You're on such a high the whole time, and then you come home and reality sets it. I'm broke now. I'm broke and I'm sad about it. I'm not nearly as broke as I was when I got back from Thailand, but I'm broke enough to put myself in timeout from recess. I'm out of toothpaste and I'm going to resort to using baking soda. Shampoo? I never liked it anyway. Really though, I'm that financially concerned. Freelancing is depressing when you don't have anything to work on at the moment. It's scary, not knowing.

Yesterday was a bad day where I was really down about it, yet I still took steps forward. That's the key. Don't just sit around and mope: get up, put your big kid pants on, and do something to make your situation better. Manifest your own life and happiness and do something each day to go further. That being said, don't be so hard on yourself either.

I was venting to one of my best friends being all like, "Wah, wah, I'm so poor, I'm a dud, wah, wah, wah," and then she dropped it on me. She said without the super high highs, there won't be any low lows, and it's hard to see how much ass I've kicked over the past two and a half months since I took my first step, but I've blown her away. She's proud of me.

I don't know about anyone else, but for me, there are only a select few people in my life that when they say they're proud of me, it makes me cry. She's one of them. And she's right, because I'm actually proud of me too.

We all need to stop being so hard on ourselves. It's a bad habit we all can kick. Everyone is trying to get by, and sometimes, we're going to hit some rough spots. It's inevitable and it's okay because that's how this whole thing called Life works. Up and down then up again.

The problem is that we're used to instant gratification, so if we don't see results right away, we kirk out, but I'm telling you, and myself, to relax. It'll be okay so long as you keep taking action. Now, I can sit here right now and say I'm proud of myself. I'm poor and I'm still proud of myself. I'M POOR AND I'M PROUD, EVERYBODY!

So the rough spots, yeah, they'll keep coming, but what's important is how you handle them. Don't make yourself the victim. There are no victims, only volunteers. (I stole that from my childhood. Thanks, mom.) And it's true. You can choose to be a victim, or you can choose to be better. In simpler terms, don't be a baby. You know you're capable and you know you're smart, so pick yourself up, dust your shoulders off (for real, ya got a little something there) and if you want a change, make it. Don't mope and wait for something to happen. Be proud of how far you've come and what you've done. Everything will be okay as long as you keep moving forward and keep trying. As far as stupid, stupid money goes, I'll make do. It's not the end of the world, and it could be a lot worse, so I'm grateful it's not. *In a Matthew McConaughey voice* It's allll good, baby.

I'll end with a quote that I have hanging above my desk, and still, I sometimes stray away from it, but it keeps coming back and it gets more and more true each day:

Don’t allow to compare yourself to anyone but the previous versions of yourself.
— Rob Symington